Venting… (Life)

Right now I’m lying in bed…

I just finished praying and I feel…

So….

I don’t know..

(Exhales)…

I’m not sure exactly what I feel… 😔

I feel like I’m somewhere in between “deep thought, rest, & tiredness.”

Deep thought because of the past few events that have happened over the course of one week… (especially the horrible event from yesterday) regarding my brother & his car.

Rest because I’m trying to trust God even though life has just been… crazy..

And Tiredness because…

Well…

I’m just tired..

And now, to look in the eyes of (my old best friend) from middle school & high school & have no words to comfort her for the loss of her mother…

Who was once “My mother” as well…

She would have dinner ready for us when we came home from volleyball practice..

One time, Bri, her cousin & I, called ourselves being in a girl “singing” group.

And Ms. Taylor would always cheer us on.

We must’ve sang that “Envogue” song to her a hundred times…

Still, every-time we sang it, she hollered and shouted and screamed as if she’d never heard us sing it before…

So many memories…

And my brother….

Oh… How can I even begin?

He just walked out of my room from cracking a joke & stealing some of my ice cream 🍨 from out of my fridge. It’s amazing how, even in times like this, he’s still trying to make me laugh…

As soon as he closed my door, I broke down…

Lord Jesus….

I want so desperately to be held…

I wish so badly for a human touch of some kind…

But I receive nothing…

Just tears & more crying out to God…

Tomorrow’s the funeral, & she asked me at the memorial tonight if I would sing, because the person who was going to, cancelled…

Of course I wouldn’t dare say no…. ☹️

Even though I hate funerals…

I never go to them…

I pick up on too much…

I feel too much..

& now…

A woman who I once called,

Mother, is being laid to rest…

😔😔😔

Lord Jesus… give me strength…

And give my friend strength…

Even now, I already feel her burden…

I already feel her broken heart..

I just went and hugged my mom & brother and kissed both of them good night…

Oh, my dearest old friend..…

I can’t imagine what you’re going through…

I can’t…

Takyah 😔

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