Just Up.. Can’t sleep 🌬

Exhales…

I don’t know y’all…

I just don’t know.

I’m up now and I can’t sleep.

I don’t know if I’m supposed to be praying, reading or just…

well…

doing nothing.

Anywho, I’m happy I will be back home 🏡 tomorrow.

Especially, after this trip.

This trip was just…

well…

the same as it’s always been I guess.

Strife.

Family members arguing and bickering.

Foolishness.

Not really any love.

It’s actually quite baffling that I would come back, as if I didn’t remember how I was treated last time.

The human brain 💭 can be so silly sometimes.

Or maybe it’s the human heart ♥️.

Either way..

This trip was foolish & served no purpose; (other than that lady at the airport); & sadly, even that was not enough to outweigh the bad.

Moreover, while I was on my way to Memphis; my Spiritual mom reached out to me when I got stuck in Las Vegas & comforted me.

She still called me Jonah 🐳 though lol… 🤦🏽‍♀️

And I agreed.

She gently reminded me that my place was no longer in Memphis; but was now in L.A. because that’s the territory God has given me. Crazy thing is, they preached on the same thing a few days later; this past Sunday, at my old church ⛪️.

My former pastor literally screamed into the microphone; GET TO YOUR TERRITORY! Where did God assign you?! Is it Memphis? Is is another state? Wherever it is; get to it and rule and reign 👑 like you are supposed to!

Now, she wasn’t preaching to me only, she was preaching to the whole church. But between me and God, I got the point & the PICTURE. 🖼

(Back to me being on the phone with my spiritual mom); meanwhile, while she was on the phone📱 with me in Vegas; I was receiving voice messages from a woman I didn’t even know (on IG) telling me that God told her to give me a word in that exact moment.

As soon as she began to speak on the voice notes she sent me; I was taken back because everything she said was true and only God could’ve revealed that to her.

As I was in my hotel room that night (after I made my video on IG to update everybody) I listened to those voice notes over & over again & cried.

And I cried.

And I cried some more…

And then just a little bit more…

(exhales)

What makes God so mindful of us?

Like, why is He so concerned about us?

He is the God of the Universe, The freakin’ cosmos & galaxies…

Yet…

He is so mindful of us and wants to watch over every little step we take; even down to “chastising” me for unnecessary trips & plane tickets.

Rest assured…

I have learned my lesson.

And I will not be back to Memphis anytime soon.

The words of this woman I don’t even know are still ringing in my ear, “God said everything will be new! He has cut ties with the old! He said everything must be new! He is doing a new thing!”

That along with some more personal stuff that I can’t reveal that she confirmed.

Anywho..

I hate I didn’t pray or ask God could I go to Memphis before I came.

Crazy thing is, I usually pray before I make any decisions, but weirdly, this time, I didn’t.

Nevertheless, this is a lesson I will never forget.

I was in the hotel that night and I felt a big ball of confusion hit me, along with sadness & a spirit of frustration that I had NEVER felt before; to the point where I couldn’t even think straight.

Of course I know now that those were demonic attacks…

but man…

it was terrible.

It was right then at that moment, (listening to those voice notes) that I knew I was supposed to be home.

Preparing for what God has for me.

Preparing for this new season that is upon me.

Preparing in my happy place (like I was) & still spending time with The Lord before I was offered a stupid proposition to come here for no reason.

Moreover, to keep from sounding like a barking Betty; the moral of the story is,

I have learned.

Sometimes, I wonder why God is so particular with me at times? (I mean He’s like that with everybody, but the closer you get to Him, the LOUDER & clearer He gets & the more He expects out of you.. 😶 lol).

I mean…

I know He know’s what’s best for me…

And He knows what He’s doing.

It’s just…

Ya know what….

Never mind.

Sometimes, I forget that this is a public blog and not my journal..

I actually haven’t written in a journal 📓 in a very long time.

Hmm… 🧐

Maybe, I’ll start back writing in one again.

I do remember it being very therapeutic.

Speaking of therapeutic; I actually have my first therapy session this Friday when I get back to LA.

I’m a little nervous, but we’ve been texting throughout the week and she’s a Christian & she seems sweet.

But we’ll see. 🙂

Anywho… I’m getting sleepy.

Crazy thing is, I know I’m not about to go to sleep.

Lol, I guess I just wanna be done talking.

Especially since I can’t let out all my real thoughts anyway…

Anywho…

See you guys later…

Thanks for listening…

Takyah 🥺💗

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