I have had to deal with a lot of changes.
A lot of setbacks.
A lot of strange occurrences, as well as many hurts this year.
But this One ☝🏽 thing.
This One ☝🏽 situation.
Is a situation I know for sure I will not be taking into 2023 with me.
This is a situation I have been in since pretty much last year.
Although, the seeds started back in 2019 from a dream 😴 I’d had. I know for certain, it has most certainly had me in its grip, since September of last year.
I don’t know..
I just feel like I’m too old for this.
Not for “faith.”
Of course not, you can’t even get anything from God without it.
That, I am not lacking.
What I am lacking is understanding the foolishness of it all.
I simply do not understand it.
There’s no Bible verses for it.
No stories that are just like mine that I can compare it to.
And I’m just sick of it.
I feel stupid. 🤡
And sometimes I also feel like this is a trap to get me so entangled with this person that I either don’t recognize my real husband when he comes or I either get married and try to compare him to some silly dream or vision I had about a “fake husband” I never had. 🤦🏽♀️
I’m unsure what the cause is or the reason for any of this is.
Although, I will keep up my own fasting and praying 🙏🏽 as I’ve been doing for my REAL HUBBY (only God knows who the crap that is); however, I can’t help but feel like I’ve seen this scenario before.
Some dumb girl.
Some dumb dream she had.
Some dumb heartbreaking ending.
That she could’ve AVOIDED had she simply read the signs. 🪧⚠️🚫
I’ve definitely seen it somewhere before.. 🧐
Nevertheless, I will not be taking this strange situation (because that’s what it is to me) into 2023.
I am over it.
Even when I gave this man a gift 🎁 a while ago, I don’t DO stuff like that for just anybody.
Like, I was really thinking of ways to make this person laugh & I took my time to make something for him.
That is what I do, when I really like someone & although, I thought it was funny.
Still, there were parts of it, where I was like,
And now… I just…
I’ve been feeling this way for the past couple of months; I’ve also been pulling myself back from him as well.
It’s simply wisdom to do so.
Truth be told,
I’m already starting to prepare my heart 💔 now for a not so good ending.
Although, it is one I have never really thought would actually be mine.
Because I mean…
& those prophecies!!!
Like, there was no way!
They all felt so real!!
But then again… how many other hopeful women who had crushes that ended up marrying someone else, would say the exact same thing?
I’m sure it felt real to them too.
And the crazy thing is!!
He wasn’t even a crush of mine!
I saw him and thought he was cool but I looked the other way & kept dating other men!
And then, all this stuff just starts coming from out of nowhere!
I do not feel like I came up with this on my own!!
And it’s frustrating!
Like, what in the world is going on?!?
And I humbly say this… but I thought my situation was different.
I walk with God..
Although, I say it humbly, I don’t say it lightly.
I am not one to go making up stuff and simply hoping for the best. No, that is NOT me.
I practice a lifestyle where I don’t make a single decision without God’s approval.
For me to be able to be tricked like this?
Is it just a humbling experience?
Is it just to show me that I really don’t know as much as I think I do?
What would be the purpose of this…
I’ll be okay if it is something like that and nothing more, if it’s for the glory of God in the end, then I would have simply suffered for Him.
I’m used to that.
And that’s just life.
And sometimes life just happens & it doesn’t go the way we always want it or hoped it would go & God uses those broken parts to fit into another beautiful puzzle 🧩.
But I will be 29 years old come this January 4th! That is a year from 30. 🎂
And I’m sorry, but these foolish little girl fantasies must stop.
As of 2023 I will be paying attention to people who are actually in front of me.
Not men who are always a dream 🛌 or a day ☀️ away.
Last year, I told God that I would not be taking this into 2022; & if He didn’t make something happen by January of 2022 I was out & done, cause it just seemed foolish to me.
Now, here we are…
And a whole nother’ year has went by.
I have been more than patient.
And there is nothing else left to be said.
I am simply counting down the days. 📆
Will I continue to wait for my husband if that’s God’s will?
But I will be absent from this particular situation.
Prayerfully my decision won’t be void of God..